Something’s Just, Off
When Mitchel and I matched on a dating app, I thought we could be good together. He’s a graphic designer who loves podcasts and has an Australian shepherd. I’m a market researcher who loves true crime documentaries and has a Shiba Inu.
After two weeks of texting each other memes, Mitchel asked me out. “Have you heard of Fizz Bar?” I hadn’t.
We were meeting at 9:30 PM on a Friday. I decided to take an Uber so I could drink. I typed in “Fizz Bar,” waited for my vehicle, and chatted with the driver the entire way. I was nervous and talking helped.
Fizz Bar had a fluorescent blue sign that looked fancier than I expected. The inside was surprisingly dark, but I figured the windows were papered black because I’d seen that at dive bars before.
When I got to the door, it was locked. I felt stunned. My Uber was gone. The street was quiet, full of closed businesses. I felt panic. Had this been a trick? A scam? Was I in danger?
I texted Mitchel and he said he’d gotten us a booth in the back. I told him the door was locked and he replied to push hard on it. As I was pushing, I saw that the windows weren’t papered, the inside was just totally dark. I could make out some massage chairs—it was a nail salon. Uber had taken me to the wrong Fizz Bar.
I ordered a new ride. Fizz the dive bar was the opposite direction of Fizz the nail bar, so by the time I got to Mitchel, he’d been waiting over 30 minutes. He didn’t seem angry, but I think I made things awkward by apologizing too many times.
Then I showed Mitchel a new photo of my dog. He tried to zoom in, but accidentally swiped, which shuffled the photos. It was just my luck that they stopped on one of me partially nude. I felt so shocked when I saw the photo that I let out a scream and ripped my phone from his hands.
Mitchel apologized, but also gave me a weird look and said, “You’re single, right?”
Honestly, I’d taken that photo so I could zoom in on a mole that’s difficult to see because I wondered if I should get it removed. I tried to explain, but the more I spoke, the more awkward things felt.
Then Mitchel went to the bathroom. Almost immediately, I received a text from him saying, “I dunno dude, she does look like her photos but things just feel kinda off.”
I thought about ignoring the message, since it obviously wasn’t meant for me. But then I worried he might send a follow-up text listing what all was “off” about our date, or me. I replied saying “Hello! I don’t think you meant to send me that.”
Mitchel looked embarrassed when he came out of the bathroom, and it was his turn to apologize. We finished our beers over a conversation full of awkward silences, then awkwardly hugged goodbye. Even though Mitchel seemed cool, I felt too embarrassed to text first after that date, and he didn’t text me again either.
The Choice is Yours
You can waste your time looking for go-nowhere dates, or find a partner that takes your breath away. Take the quiz to find a partner that matches uniquely with you.
I went on a great date with a funny guy, but things went wrong when I tried to show off. This is, without a doubt, my most embarrassing Tinder story.
I shouldn’t have told Steve a little white lie, but I didn’t think it would literally come back to my doorstep. With a delivery fee.
Sometimes, the worst thing about dating app culture is when it all goes so right and so wrong at the same time. Someone should make an app that cross-checks where you work. Here’s how I almost accidentally had an affair with my new employee.
We all want one fantastic date that never ends but … not like this. This is how a down-on-his-luck man lied to me and used me just to make ends meet.
I tried to be spontaneous on Tinder and ended up with caring for a man dealing with his first bad mushroom trip.
He said the electrons from the Earth would realign our souls. I just think he had dirty, gnarly feet. This is how I ended up on a date with a man with no shoes.
I didn’t know malls – like big, neon 1980s malls – were still around, but I went on a Tinder date with a guy to one. Too bad he was a loser. Here’s the story.
Football Sundays are sacred to me, so I thought things were going to work out when he took me on a date to a game. I just didn’t make the cut.
I got bed bugs from a date. Bed. Bugs. I can’t live this one down. Thanks, Tinder.
I thought I wanted an old-fashioned, romantic date. I got more than I bargained for. Here’s how I handled a doomed date.