Tinder Birthday Bash

Feb 29, 2020

I met this girl on Tinder and everything was alright at first. We chatted, swapped numbers, the usual stuff, but it never worked out to have an actual date. We were both busy, all of that sort of thing.

Then one day she texts me that she is having a house party, at her place. Just her and her roommate and their friends. I should come, she says, and I agree. I’d rather have met her one on one, but a house party sounded fun.

I got a bottle of gin she liked, and headed over. Her place was pretty cool, a modern, new construction. I buzzed in and made my way through the office, and out into the courtyard. It was an apartment complex, but a luxury spread. There was a pool and hottub with grills and lounge chairs—it was like a resort.

But I was immediately floored when she opened the door. It was just … dudes. She and her roommate were the only women. I was confused, but whatever. Then I started to notice all the guys had the same awkward look on their face. I said my hellos, how cool it was to finally meet her, and all of that. The whole time I feel these other guys, like smirking at me. Also, these guys, they all sorta looked alike. Tall, burly type guys, beards, same style. I knew the style well, because it was like I was looking into a mirror.

She introduces me to a few of her friends, but then the buzzer rings. There is a delivery for her so she excuses herself to pick it up. So I started talking to her friends.

“How’d you guys meet?”

“We matched on Tinder. Never met in person. She invited me to this house party.”

What? No way. Then the next dude had the same story, and the next. It took just a few minutes before we all realized what was going on.

She comes back in with a cake. A big birthday cake with her face airbrushed into the icing. She set it down and her roommate cheered, but we were all confused. 

What? It was her birthday? What was going on?

Then some guy said what we were thinking. “Yo, did you invite all of your Tinder matches to a surprise birthday party for yourself?”

Some of us started laughing, a few guys noped out and made for the courtyard, taking a few of her beers with them. I left my bottle of gin, wished her a happy birthday, and deleted her out of my phone as I walked to the parking garage.

A few of the other guys were standing around laughing about it. We kinda all looked like brothers. I ended the night getting beers with my Tinder competition. Never saw those guys again, but I’m sure we’ll all be telling this Tinder horror story forever.

The Choice is Yours

You can waste your time looking for go-nowhere dates, or find a partner that takes your breath away. Take the quiz to find a partner that matches uniquely with you.

Bowling Ballerina

Bowling Ballerina

I went on a great date with a funny guy, but things went wrong when I tried to show off. This is, without a doubt, my most embarrassing Tinder story.

How I Narrowly Dodged a Workplace Affair

How I Narrowly Dodged a Workplace Affair

Sometimes, the worst thing about dating app culture is when it all goes so right and so wrong at the same time. Someone should make an app that cross-checks where you work. Here’s how I almost accidentally had an affair with my new employee.

The Date that Never Left

The Date that Never Left

We all want one fantastic date that never ends but … not like this. This is how a down-on-his-luck man lied to me and used me just to make ends meet.

Something’s Just, Off

Something’s Just, Off

Everything went wrong on this date, from a messed up Uber ride to an embarrassing picture. Disposable dating leads to awkward nights like this.

We Went … Earthing

We Went … Earthing

He said the electrons from the Earth would realign our souls. I just think he had dirty, gnarly feet. This is how I ended up on a date with a man with no shoes.

My Weird Date to a Mall

My Weird Date to a Mall

I didn’t know malls – like big, neon 1980s malls – were still around, but I went on a Tinder date with a guy to one. Too bad he was a loser. Here’s the story.

Guess I Didn’t Make the Cut

Guess I Didn’t Make the Cut

Football Sundays are sacred to me, so I thought things were going to work out when he took me on a date to a game. I just didn’t make the cut.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I got bed bugs from a date. Bed. Bugs. I can’t live this one down. Thanks, Tinder.