Never Date a Comedian

Feb 29, 2020

I joined dating apps because I’m single and I noticed it’s gotten harder to meet people as I get older. To be honest, I like that an app is matching me with someone, at least a little bit.

I matched with Marco, a standup comedian and I wasn’t too sure if I found him attractive or not. Honestly, I think I was mostly drawn to the fact that he does stand up. I figured a comedian would be fun and laidback. Also, I’m deathly afraid of public speaking, so I instantly had admiration for him. 

Marco isn’t famous, but he had a bunch of photos of him with famous actors and comedians in his profile. He’s opened for some big-name comedians and he’s played a few small acting roles that allowed him to meet celebrities. I’m not obsessed with celebrity or anything, but I mean – this guy is living a pretty cool lifestyle. It would be fun, for sure.

For our first date, he invited me to a comedy show. Local comedians, a lowkey sort of thing. Marco told me he could get me into the comedy show for free, which was cool. It was a last minute thing, so I got myself together and got there a few minutes late, texting him that my Uber was running late.

Since he was getting me in, I had to wait outside. I texted. Nothing. No response. Almost ten minutes later, he pops out of the venue door. He’d been inside the whole time. I let it slide, but this wasn’t a good start to the date.

He had a table in the front, but I didn’t want to be a target for someone’s bad jokes. He said we had to sit in the front, that it would be OK, not to worry. There were no programs, or whatever, so I asked if he knew any of the comedians. But, he just leans over and says he’ll be right back. Then he vanished. Behind the stage.

That’s how I figured out it was his show. Well, it was sort of his show. Apparently, the show was a “local comedian showcase” with ten comedians on it. Ten! And he was “headlining.” Which meant he was going last, but they all got the same amount of time.

He never came back.

Seriously. I sat through 9 comedian acts by myself, and they weren’t funny. Thankfully none of them picked on me, though. Then when Marco got on stage, he did a self-deprecating routine where he was basically calling himself a loser and ugly. And then he said it. He just said it: “I’m lucky to land a 6.”

He went backstage after his bit and I took an Uber out of there before he came back. I blocked him on the ride home. Maybe it’s not so great having an app pair you up.

The Choice is Yours

You can waste your time looking for go-nowhere dates, or find a partner that takes your breath away. Take the quiz to find a partner that matches uniquely with you.

Bowling Ballerina

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Nope. Nope. Nope.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

I got bed bugs from a date. Bed. Bugs. I can’t live this one down. Thanks, Tinder.